Yugioh Parody The Heart of the Cards
by theiratepupil
Summary: I'm starting over from the first episode and will try to get about three a week IF I CAN.


The Heart of the Cards (I'm starting over from the first episode and will try to get 3 a week if I can)  
  
  
  
(You see Yugi and Joey having a friendly duel and Yugi is beating the **** out of Joey)  
  
Joey: Hah! Bet you can't beat this card. It's attack is 800!  
  
Tea: Joey, just a reminder. Most girls I know would rather marry you than play a card like that.  
  
Tristan: In other words, that's the worst move you could have made.  
  
Joey: Grrrrrrrrrr!  
  
Yugi: Well, you can't beat this one right now! Blackland Fire Dragon! 1500 attack points.  
  
Joey: What?! That's impossible! A card like that has got to be worth a million bucks!  
  
Card vendor: Hey boys, would to like to have a few Blackland Fire Dragons? On sale now, 50 cents each.  
  
Yugi: Don't feel too bad, Joey. I know you're probably the worst duel monsters player ever, but my grandfather still owns a card shop, and I get my best cards from him.  
  
Joey: Cool, let's go see the old geezer now.  
  
Yugi: Grrrrrrrrrrr!!  
  
Kaiba (to himself): What? A card shop? Could they possibly have the one card I've been searching my whole life?  
  
(Yugi and co are running to the card shop)  
  
Yugi: Hi, Grandpa!  
  
Grandpa: Hey, Yugi. What can I get you?  
  
Yugi: Do you have any cards for my idiot friend Joey? He just learning to play the game.  
  
Grandpa: Hmm, ah! This may be useful.  
  
Yugi: A Rude Kaiser, cool!  
  
Joey: Wow, this thing is awesome. It's attack points are off the charts. I could- (thinks for a second) HEY! I'M NOT AN IDIOT!!  
  
Yugi: What's this one, Grandpa?  
  
Grandpa: Ah. My Blue-eyes White Dragon. Probably the most powerful card in all of duel monsters. A dear friend gave it to me.  
  
Joey: Cool! How much do you want for it?  
  
Grandpa: Are you kidding?! Keep your grimy mitts off of it, you loser! It's not for-I mean, I can't possibly part with this.  
  
Kaiba: And what makes you think a simpleton like you will be able to pay for it?  
  
Tea and Tristan: Great.  
  
Tristan: Just the dope we wanted to see.  
  
Tea: Tell me about it.  
  
Kaiba: That card is mine! This bonehead couldn't pay for the cardboard itself. Name your price, old man.  
  
Grandpa: No, no! This card is not for sale.  
  
Kaiba: Eerrrghh! I'll trade you ALL of these cards. (shows him about 200 cards) Yugi and friends: What?!  
  
Grandpa: No sale!  
  
Yugi and friends: WHAT?!  
  
Grandpa: This card is priceless to me. My heart has bonded with it because it was given to me by a friend who I also loved.  
  
Yugi: You'd feel the same if it were a common card, right Grandpa?  
  
Grandpa:...ARE YOU KIDDING?! I'D SELL IT TO ANY SUCKER OFFERING WHAT THIS IDIOT IS-... I mean...yeah, of course.  
  
Kaiba: That's it, old fool. You will give me that card eventually.  
  
(he walks away)  
  
(the next day, Yugi and friends are running towards the card shop again)  
  
Yugi: Hey, Grandpa! You got any other cards? Grandpa?  
  
(They look around, but no one is there)  
  
(The phone rings)  
  
Yugi (answers): Card shop.  
  
Kaiba: Ah, Yugi. I was hoping it would be you.  
  
Yugi: Huh? Who is this?  
  
Kaiba: Let's just say I have my eye on that special card.  
  
Yugi: Huh? What? Tell me who you are.  
  
Kaiba: I finally got your Grandpa to give me his Blue-Eyes.  
  
Yugi: What? Who's calling? Who are you?  
  
Kaiba: It's Kaiba. you idiot!  
  
Yugi: Oh, hi.  
  
Kaiba: Your Grandpa's with me right now. But I'm afraid he's not feeling to well.  
  
Yugi: WHAT?! What have you done to him Kaiba? Kaiba? Kaiba? Kaiba?  
  
(Kaiba hangs up)  
  
Yugi: Kaiba?! Kaiba?! Kaiba?! Kaiba?! Kaiba?! Kaiba?!  
  
(Tea grabs Yugi and they all head to Kaiba corp)  
  
Joey: Come on, we gotta get going!  
  
Yugi: Kaiba?! Kaiba?! Kaiba?! Kaiba?! Kaiba?! Kaiba?!  
  
(They all get to Kaiba's company)  
  
Joey: Oh, no! He's looks pretty bad!  
  
Tea: We gotta get him to the hospital!  
  
Yugi: Kaiba?! Kaiba?!  
  
Kaiba: WHAT?!  
  
Yugi: Oh, there you are. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM, KAIBA?!  
  
Kaiba: The old man and I just had a duel, but I'm afraid that dueling with me was just a little too much stimulation for the old fool.  
  
Grandpa (weak): Y-y-y-u-u-....gi...You must d-d-duel h-h-him.  
  
Yugi: No, Grandpa! I have to get you to the hospital!  
  
Tea: No, Yugi! You duel Kaiba, and We'll take him to the hospital!  
  
Tristan: Let's just go!  
  
Tea: Wait!  
  
(draws on their hands)  
  
All: What's this?  
  
Tea: It's a symbol of our friendship. No matter how tough things get Yugi will know we're right there with him.  
  
Others: Cool!  
  
Joey: Excuse us for a sec, Tea!  
  
(They rush to the restroom and wash the marks off their hands, then come back)  
  
Joey: Uh, let's go!  
  
Tristan: Right!  
  
(They dart out of the room and rush Grandpa to the hospital)  
  
Tea: Grrr. At least I know we have each other's support, right Yugi?  
  
Yugi: You bet, Tea!  
  
Kaiba: Let's go, Yugi!  
  
Yugi (to Tea): Bye!  
  
(rushes out of the room and into the dueling room.)  
  
(Yugi is scrubbing the marks off his hand with his shirt)  
  
Yugi: Man, Tea sure can make me puke sometimes.  
  
Joey: Hey, Yugi!  
  
Yugi: Joey? What are you doing here?  
  
Joey: Tristan and Tea told me to stay here and root for you. They said it'd be better if I did. Funny, they left in a hurry as soon as they said that.  
  
Yugi: Yeah...okay.  
  
Kaiba: Are you ready, Yugi. This virtual stadium I built adds a little more life to the game. Sure you handle it?  
  
Voice: YUGIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
(he turns into Yami Yugi)  
  
Kaiba: Huh? What the-  
  
Joey: Hm? What's Kaiba so nervous about? He's acting like Yugi's turned into some 5000-year-old Egyptian pharaoh or something.  
  
Yami Yugi: Play time's over, Kaiba, because it's time to duel!  
  
Kaiba: Fine! I'll do you the honor of going first myself. I summon the Hitotsu-Me-Giant.  
  
(It appears on the playing field as a hologram)  
  
Joey: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! MOSTERS!! REAL MONSTERS!!  
  
Kaiba: They're holograms, you dope!  
  
Joey: Oh. AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! HOLOGRAMS!!! REAL HOLOGRAMS!!!!!  
  
Yami Yugi: That was a bad move, Kaiba! I summon the Winged Dragon, Guardian of the Fortress!! Fireball attack!  
  
Kaiba: AH! Wait, if he's a wind type monster, how can he-  
  
Yami Yugi: It's your move, Kaiba!  
  
Kaiba: Fine! I summon Sagi, the Dark Clown!  
  
Yami Yugi: What? That thing is weak!  
  
Kaiba: But I use my Negative Energy card!  
  
Yami Yugi: (gasp) A magic card!  
  
Joey: A magic card!  
  
Both: A magic card!  
  
Kaiba: Shut up! Sagi, attack that dragon! And it'll destroy your dragon since my magic card triples my Sagi's attack power!  
  
Yami Yugi: Eeeeerrgghhhhh!!! (looks at the card he just drew) It's a leg. Just a leg. What's that supposed to do?  
  
Kaiba: Make your move!  
  
Yami Yugi: I summon a monster in defense position!  
  
(Scene goes by where Sagi creams a whole bunch of Yugi's defense monsters)  
  
Yami Yugi: I'll never back away, Kaiba! (draws a card) And my patience and trust in the deck has rewarded me with...Gaia the Dark Kinght!  
  
Kaiba: Aahh! Wait, dark? I thought it was Fierce.  
  
Yami Yugi: It's Grand!  
  
Kaiba: I thought you said dark.  
  
Yami Yugi: It is dark.  
  
Kaiba: It's Fierce!  
  
Yami Yugi: It's Grand!  
  
Kaiba: But you just said Dark!  
  
Yami Yugi: It's Fierce!  
  
Kaiba: I know! I said Fierce!  
  
Yami Yugi: It's Fierce!  
  
Kaiba: Okay, Fierce! Whatever, just attack me!  
  
Yami Yugi: Gaia the Grand-  
  
Kaiba: -Fierce.  
  
Yami Yugi: -Dark Knight! Attack Sagi the Dark Clown!!!  
  
Kaiba: Heh heh heh heh. That was good, Yugi. But you never expected this. I summon the Blue-Eyes White Dragon!!  
  
Joey: Huh? That's impossible! We saw him rip that card in half!  
  
Yami Yugi: No we didn't.  
  
Kaiba: Oh yeah, I forgot!  
  
(takes out his Grandpa's Blue-Eyes and rips it)  
  
Kaiba: There. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! You think your grandfather was the only one to possess a Blue-Eyes White Dragon?! Now I will attack with my powerful dragon!!  
  
Yami Yugi: Aaaaaahhhh!! My Gaia! You asked for it, Kaiba!! (draws a card) (thinking) What? Now I just have 2 legs and 2 arms. What does it mean? Ah, these are useless!  
  
Grandpa: You are giving up too easily, Yugi.  
  
Yami Yugi: Huh? Grandpa?  
  
Grandpa: Sometimes, cards are like a puzzle. To finish it, you need to find every one of the pieces of the puzzle. Get what I'm saying?  
  
Normal Yugi: Soooo...if I find the puzzle pieces, I get a pretty decoration for my deck?!  
  
Grandpa: Will you listen to me, you ingrate?! Just go to the flashback where I tell you about Exodia! (he disappears)  
  
Normal Yugi: Wait, Grandpa! Hmm, it's like he was trying to tell me something...(has a flashback (flashback dialogue has bold font))  
  
Grandpa: Duel monsters has only one unbeatable monster, Exodia. When you collect all five pieces of Exodia, the two arms, the two legs, and the head, you can summon this monster, and you automatically win.  
  
Yugi: What about the body?  
  
Grandpa: Huh?  
  
Yugi: And the neck?  
  
Grandpa: Well...  
  
Yugi: And the-  
  
Grandpa: WILL YOU BE QUIET?! I'M TRYING TO PROVE A POINT!  
  
Yugi: Oh, why didn't you say so?  
  
Grandpa: Gggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!  
  
(Flashback ends)  
  
Yami Yugi: That's what it is. It's Exodia.  
  
Kaiba: Make your move already, wiill you?  
  
Yami Yugi: I summon a monster in face-down defense postion!!  
  
Kaiba: Fine! Why don't I just double my dragon power on the field?  
  
Yami Yugi: Huh? Yeah right. It's not like you have another Blue-Eyes White Dragon or anything! Hahahahahahahaha!!  
  
Joey: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Yami Yugi: Hahahahahahahahaha!!  
  
Joey: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Another Blue-Eyes!! That's hilarious!!  
  
(Kaiba plays his second Blue-Eyes and Yugi stops laughing)  
  
Yami Yugi: Oh my gosh!!!!!  
  
Joey: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Yami Yugi: Shut up, Joey!!  
  
Joey: HAHAHahaha.ha, what? (looks at the playing field) WHOA!!! He had a second Blue-Eyes all along, the little-  
  
Yami Yugi: I summon a monster face down!! And I play the Swords of Revealing Light! It paralyzes your Blue Eyes for three turns starting now.  
  
Kaiba (mockingly): Oh, no! A magic card! How will I ever face against a magic card?!  
  
Yami Yugi: Are you making fun of me, Kaiba?  
  
Joey: Boy. And Yugi thought I was stupid.  
  
Kaiba: Your Swords of Revealing Light may have stopped my two Blue-Eyes, but I can still summon my Judge Man!! Go, Judge Man, attack the face down card!!  
  
Yami Yugi: Eeeeeeerrrrrrrrgggghhh!!!  
  
Kaiba: Poor Rude Kaiser. Oh well, it's your move Yugi.  
  
Yami Yugi: (draws a card) Hmm. You can stop gloating with that Judge Man, Kaiba! Because I have my Dark Magician! GO!! DARK MAGIC ATTACK!!  
  
Kaiba: Okay, if that thing has a staff, why does it use its hand to summon magic attacks?!  
  
Yami Yugi: You better make your move Kaiba, and stop asking such stupid questions! That is (laughs) unless you have another Blue-Eyes White Dragon!  
  
Yami Yugi and Joey: YEAH, RIGHT!! AAAAHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!  
  
Joey: That'd be too weird!! Hahahahaha!  
  
Yami Yugi: Hahahahaha! You said it!!  
  
(the sound of a monster being summoned is heard)  
  
Joey: Oh, and what was that? Another Blue-Eyes?  
  
Both: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
(Yugi turns around while Joey is still laughing)  
  
Yami Yugi: Tell me I'm dreaming. Please tell me I'm dreaming!!!  
  
Joey: What? OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!  
  
Both (trance-like): We're dreaming. We're dreaming. We're dreaming. We're dreaming. We're dreaming.  
  
Kaiba: Are you finished, Yugi? Now it's my turn to laugh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! On your next turn, your monsters are destroyed, and ALL MY BLUE-EYES ARE FREE TO ATTACK!!  
  
Yami Yugi: Oh boy, I'm done for. (the deck moves away from him) The deck. It senses my doubt. COME BACK HERE! (starts chasing it). Get back here, you annoying pile of cards! Come back! Gotcha! (struggles to get it back on the playing field.) Okay, draw my card. (draws the card.) Oh, cool. KAIBA! You lose. (shows him Exodia)  
  
Kaiba: Ah! Exodia! It's not possible! No one has ever summoned it before!  
  
Yami Yugi: Until now! Exodia! OBLITERATE!!!!  
  
(Exodia trips and starts tumbling down the arena)  
  
Yami Yugi: Well, that's horribly inconvenient.  
  
(Exodia knocks down all three Blue-Eyes)  
  
Yami Yugi: Maybe not. I win, Kaiba! And you lose!  
  
Kaiba: How? I never get defeated!  
  
Yami Yugi: If you really want to know, Kaiba, OPEN YOUR MIND!!  
  
(His millennium puzzle breaks his head in half)  
  
Yami Yugi: Oops. That not what I meant, you stupid puzzle!  
  
(Reassembles it)  
  
Yami Yugi: You battle for power, Kaiba and that is why you lost. But if you put your heart in the game, there's nothing you can't do.  
  
Kaiba: Excuse me while I go puke.  
  
Yami Yugi: Certainly.  
  
(Yugi walks away and retching sounds are heard from Kaiba)  
  
Yami Yugi: Hey!  
  
Grandpa (in the hospital): Yugi won. 


End file.
